


Blue like the Ocean; Black like the Void of Space

by tuesday



Category: Allstate Insurance "Mayhem" Commercials
Genre: Aliens, Background Character Death, Gen, Horror, Humor, IN SPACE!, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 21:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19894369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: "I'm a starship captain."  Mayhem lounged back in his seat.  He was bleeding from several places, most prominently where a bit of rebar speared through his chest.  His face was black and blue with bruising.  "I slept through every command course and only got my position on this ship out of a combination of pity and blatant nepotism."  He poked at the rebar.  "But when the Z'borgians took out every halfway decent officer, I was what was left."  He grinned.  It pulled at the split in his lip.  "Standard procedure is to stay away from undeveloped garden worlds that haven't made it out of their starting solar system yet."Mayhem winked.  "I don't know standard procedure."





	Blue like the Ocean; Black like the Void of Space

**Author's Note:**

  * For [debirlfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/gifts).



> Your freeform requests were inspired and inspiring. I hope you enjoy this take on them.

"I'm a starship captain." Mayhem lounged back in his seat. He was bleeding from several places, most prominently where a bit of rebar speared through his chest. His face was black and blue with bruising. "I slept through every command course and only got my position on this ship out of a combination of pity and blatant nepotism." He poked at the rebar. "But when the Z'borgians took out every halfway decent officer, I was what was left." He grinned. It pulled at the split in his lip. "Standard procedure is to stay away from undeveloped garden worlds that haven't made it out of their starting solar system yet."

Mayhem winked. "I don't know standard procedure." 

Mayhem pushed a few buttons and made a few flight path adjustments. The starscreen that had showed the void of space now showed a blue planet with vast oceans and a few respectable landmasses. Mayhem stood. Behind him, there was groaning. A shambling behemoth had its suckered tentacles wrapped around another crew member. Two of its mouths were buried in their body. The third snapped at Mayhem as he passed by it in search of the escape pods.

"Now I know what you're thinking. The United Federation of Interplanetary Cooperation would never let a member planet be overrun by Z'borgian war hounds or other invasive species, especially not one with so much already established sentient life. They'd have to step in and fix things." Mayhem pried open an escape pod door and stumbled his way in, leaving a trail of blood behind him and a handprint of it smeared on the window. His grin was wild. "But you're not a member planet, are you?"

Three smaller creatures with needle sharp teeth and hooked claws piled in after him just before the door closed. More blood appeared on the other side of the window before the pod fell away, down toward the blue below. Autopilot engaged, and the pod drifted toward land. It plowed into someone's front yard. The door opened. The creatures bounded out with all the energy of puppies let out to play. An injured, harried figure crawled out after them.

"So join All-Planets and protect yourself from mayhem." The figure collapsed, a grimace on his face like a smile. "Like me."


End file.
